Monday, January 26, 2009

Big Earl

It is unbearably difficult to grasp Jan. 2009 coming to a close. Its end signals the oncoming close of this chapter of my life. Soon, I will be a college graduate. I have just three and a half months between me and the terrible alias of alumnus. The “real world” awaits; I hope its like MTV.

The origins of the college chapter of my life began at the same time that the north shore of the Gulf of Mexico was ravaged by Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, and I have had the fortunate opportunity to be a part of the recovery process in one of the towns affected by those devastating storms. I recently returned from my yearly sojourn to the Crescent City, which sat under water for weeks after Katrina breached the city’s storm walls and flooded 85 percent of it. It marked the fifth time I had packed my work boots and jeans, dusted off an old ball cap and donned a respirator to help people who lost everything put their lives back in order.

The most remarkable man I’ve met in a town full of them is named Earl. He is a retired postal employee, in his late 60s or early 70s, whose home lies on the southern edge of the Gentilly neighborhood of New Orleans. Gentilly lies in the famous Ninth Ward, northeast of the Industrial Canal and due south of Lake Pontchartrain, the two sources of the nearly 20 feet of water that engulfed the neighborhood. Earl and his daughter fled New Orleans prior to Katrina striking on Aug. 29, 2005, but his wife stubbornly refused. She had weathered storms before, and believed she could brave another. But she did not anticipate the tidal wave that caused water to pour into her neighborhood from the lake, and as she tried to escape her rapidly flooding house, she was overcome by the current, drowned and died. Her body was found in a neighbor’s yard weeks later, after the flood waters subsided.

I first met Earl in January 2007, a year and a half after Katrina hit. It was my second tour of duty with Catholic Charities, and we had been assigned to gut his home. We entered a once-proud estate that was now best described as chaotically destroyed: mold acted like an earthen wallpaper, the refrigerator lay diagonally across a doorway, blocking passage, and closets had regurgitated their contents. We entered, and as Earl watched, we took his life to the curb for trash collection.

It took our group of 12 two days to remove everything from the house: appliances, clothes, furniture, dry wall and every nail that held it up. When we finished, all that was left was the shell of the place he had called home for most of his adult life, where he had raised his children, where he had loved his deceased wife. We got on a plane to go home; Earl got in his truck and drove off 30 miles to the west, where the FEMA trailer that served as his home rested.

Earl was there every second that we worked; he would saunter out of his daughter’s trailer that rested on his front lawn to tend to his dog or smoke a cigarette, and chat us up as we took breaks from destroying what was left of his home. He shares many of the qualities of any New Orleans resident; strong accent, friendly demeanor and the ability to talk for days. But, the most stunning quality, and one that is not unique to Earl, was his optimism and resolve. He never blamed a soul for his misfortune, never trolled for pity, never talked about how nice his life was before Aug. 2005. Sure, he choked up when telling us about how his wife had passed, how he regretted not forcing her to come with him and how much he missed her, but he was determined to rebuild. Determined to stay, determined to start over when many had given up. New Orleans was all he had ever known, and he was proud of his home, no matter its state of ruin, and let us know our efforts would not go in vain.

I never forgot Earl, and he often came to mind whenever the city or Katrina was mentioned. When we arrived in New Orleans this past trip, we decided to call on him, unannounced, and see what progress had been made on his home. There he sat, on his front stoop, puffing away. The trailer that blocked a view of his home from the street was gone, but the impressions it left were visible. He squinted at us from afar at first, but his face lit up when he realized who we were. We reintroduced ourselves, and he invited the eight of us into his home. This time, the kitchen was intact, the couches in place and the walls were adorned with smiling faces and devoid of mold. The sun bounced off the hardwood floors and the comfy den beckoned to weary bodies.

Earl led us through the home, through the rooms we had emptied just two years before, showed us the washer and dryer Catholic Charities forced him to take. Turns out, despite all his hardship, Earl decided there were needier folks in the city who could use volunteers’ help. He refused future crews, and instead, interviewed and hired contractors to finish the rest of his house. He helped his neighbors move back in and recommended to them contractors that could and would do the work, helping them avoid the crooks who asked for money up front, and then never showed up to even drive a nail into a wall.

Before we left, Earl showed us his family: pictures of his two grandchildren, who he was able to visit during the holidays, and photos of his son and daughters. And then, he grabbed a photo of his beloved wife, and we all held our collective breath, waiting for Earl to break down and cry. He never did.

“Isn’t she beautiful?” he asked no one in particular. We all nodded yes, as he put her picture back up on the wall, and I took one last look around the home. She sure is, I thought, saluting his gorgeous old domicile.

Monday, January 12, 2009

The Philly Fan's Stigma

The sun shines a little brighter when it is tinted with a shade of midnight green, even as the dawn reveals another dreary January day. The alarm goes off at the same dreadfully early hour, but it is ok, because the newspaper bears good news today: The Eagles are on to the fifth NFC Championship Game in 10 years, and they will be decided favorites to win and represent the aforementioned conference in the Super Bowl.

Audrey was heartbroken to learn a football game would interrupt our Sunday tradition of strolling through a dewy meadow, but to ensure the game would not be punctuated by her frequent protests, I offered to take her to the bar to watch it on my dime. She drank, I cheered, the Eagles won and we both went home happy.

Audrey is like most girls, in that she has no interest and even less understanding of the complicated game that is football, so I interjected my cheers and jeers with explanations of strategy, rules and my overall angst. She failed to grasp the last part.

“I just don’t understand why you are so upset,” she said as David Akers split the uprights to make it a 10-8 game in favor of the Philly faithful as the first half came to a close. “Your team is winning. You Philly people are so pessimistic.”

I tried to explain to her all the painful playoff losses of the past. I tried to explain the general feeling that somehow, the Eagles will find a way to screw it up. I tried to explain how the Eagles have been maddeningly inconsistent throughout the year, struggling in such seemingly benign situations, like 3rd and 1.

“But they are your team, shouldn’t you be positive to help them win?” she queried. Ah, the ol’ Jimmy Rollins complaint, that the feeling of impending doom that every scarred Eastern Pennsylvania-native wears as a badge of honor and carries over to the playing field by affecting our “beloved” athletes. I then tried to explain the stress I feel during the games, how it actually isn’t that much fun to watch, because I spend the whole game worrying about how they might fail, and thinking about how painful it will be if they do.

“I don’t understand why you guys get so wrapped up in this stuff. IT’S JUST A GAME.” How dare you, Audrey. How dare you. Barkeep, another beer in this mug to silence hers.

WHEN Brad Lidge collapsed to his knees in late October, I had no idea how to react, because, I had never seen one of my preferred teams ever do this (it had been 25 years, I’m only 21). It was like a sensory overload, with Harry Kalas screaming, the players hugging and my phone ringing. But the reaction from all my friends was, “Well, now you can’t always assume your team is going to lose, because they finally won.” That was to be my reaction: you finally won, so shut up and stop complaining every time they lose.

I will cop to the pessimism, because as Philly fans, it really is bad, and a strong argument can be made that it affects our players (see 2008 Eagles roll through playoffs on road). We wait with bated breath for the roof to collapse. Our quotes of misery are infamous.

“I bleed Eagles green, I just wish I didn’t have to bleed so much.”

Or my father’s timeless classic, “It could be the Super Bowl, with 30 seconds left, up by 20, against the Bengals, who have no timeouts and are without the ball, and I still wouldn’t be comfortable.”

But why is this? Why are we so pessimistic? Other cities are just as tormented, Buffalo and Cleveland come to mind. But Eagles fans get the bad rap; it was us who called for Andy Reid’s head two months ago and some who applauded the elevation of Kevin Kolb to quarterback and believed McNabb looked good in a winter coat and skull cap. We aren’t “true fans” because we bashed the same team we now cheer. We’re “fair-weathered.”

Sorry, but that’s bullshit, and it makes my blood boil every time I hear it. Firstly, let me explain to the outsiders why Andy Reid and Donovan were “run out of town” earlier this year. BECAUSE THIS TEAM IS ONE WIN AWAY FROM THE SUPER BOWL, BUT 2 MONTHS AGO THEY COULDN’T EVEN BEAT THE STINKING BENGALS! It was obvious from wins over Pittsburgh and Atlanta that this team was talented, but they kept getting stuck in the mud. Were we supposed to simply applaud them for their effort, and ignore the fact they were underachieving? Is it not a fan’s right to demand that changes be made if we do not receive a return on our investment, or we see a team struggle that has great potential?

Again, I will admit we are over the top; five NFC championships in a decade is something a lot of NFL cities would kill for, but that stat alone highlights our frustration. Our teams have been good, but not good enough. Allow me to use a quote from the losing locker room in East Rutherford yesterday to illustrate my point:

"After this," center Shaun O'Hara said, "you almost wonder if it isn't better to not make the playoffs than to play the way we did out there today," highlighting the fact that there is one winner and 31 losers.

Don’t get me wrong, NFC Championship games are a hell of a lot better than meaningless week 17 games to determine whether your record will be 9-7 or 8-8, but all that is remembered is the last game, and only one team ever wins their last game, and the Eagles haven’t been that team since 1960, despite how many times they’ve been painfully close. Philadelphia fans want the best from our teams, and when we don’t get it, we voice our displeasure, loudly. It is admittedly annoying, obnoxious and vulgar, but we believe our teams to be the best during every game, and if they don’t win, that means someone messed up and deserves the blame.

We are not fair-weather, we are fair-optimism. Being pessimistic helps take the sting out of big time losses, because we can always say, “I knew they stunk. I didn’t like them that much, anyway. Stupid Eagles.” But we always come back for more, hoping this is the year they reward our questionable patience. Philadelphia feels like they own the teams, that the teams owe them effort and wins, and if those assumptions aren’t meant, the team receives scorn. Some fans are satisfied with the glow from a past win, but we don’t feel that way in Philadelphia. A past win is just that, and if that is enough, then why bother to keep playing? The Phillies win scratched the itch, but it didn’t get the Eagles off the hook. Philly always wants its teams to win, we just don’t always think they will, and our utter lack of eloquence makes us the ugly, fat, drunk girl of the party.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Bid Selection

Winter break is entirely too long, something I’m sure I won’t be saying a year from now when I have a 9-5, but, still as a student, it forces me to work at the 9-5 until classes mercifully return. So, in order to pass the time, I began engaging in some good ol’ fashioned Facebook stalking this afternoon, and turned my attention to the Fraternity’s rush group to check out the freshmen and sophomores who will be frequenting our parties in the weeks to come.

This is a great method to pass time during boring, slow days at work because I get my homework done for rush week, which is fast approaching. It’s also very effective because freshman guys are stupid; guys spend all their time on Facebook looking up the hottest girls in their classes, and they leave their profiles unblocked so girls can do the same to them. Except girls don’t do that, they spend all their time on Facebook looking at their friends’ pictures to figure out who their new friends are in college and if they have gotten fat. Plus, savvy male Facebook users know this time and tested rule; if a girl’s profile is unblocked, she isn’t hot, because she wants/needs people to look at her profile, and doesn’t have enough confidence in herself that people will friend her to be afforded that opportunity. Hot girls want to know who is stalking them, and block their profiles to force people to friend them (btw, these generalizations only apply to freshman. After you’ve spent time in college, you learn the new social norms and how to use Facebook properly, and to quote Lil Wayne, that ain’t got shit to do with this, but I just thought that I should mention it.)

Every semester I scroll through our group’s member list and click through on all the rushes that have joined, and every semester you can easily eliminate the kids that clearly suck, because they proclaim it for all the world to see on their Facebook profiles. What follows is my list of Rushes who kill their chances before the parties even start.

The Only Guy I Know is the One You All Don’t Like

...and you probably won’t like me either. I display all of the same issues he does, and they are all in my profile for you to see. He thinks he’s the greatest guy in the world, and so do I, and I tell you why in my About Me section. I’m “handsome, sexy, single and ready to mingle,” so I have to join a Fraternity to meet all the awesome Sororistutes that will immediately strip when I walk into the room. Oh, I’m also a terrible drunk, which is clear to see from the horrible girls I’m making out with in my pictures. That’s me pissing on a cop car, and that’s me bloodied from picking a fight with a bouncer at the bar. But don’t worry, my boy will stick up for me at bid selection while all the brothers shift awkwardly in their seats, because no one wants to tell him I suck as much as he does, and that they’ll never make the same mistake twice.

Pick a Fraternity, any Fraternity

I came to college with one goal in mind, to join a Frat. I don’t know anything about any individual chapter, but I’m in every single one’s rush group, except for those with ugly girls. I’ll join the first chapter that gives me a bid, even if I’ve only met three guys. As long as there are girls at the party and a keg, what else do you need? I’m not worried that brothers might see my conflicting interests, they are all going to be so desperate to sign me on that there will probably be a brawl between them. I also like every band that has a song played over and over again on the radio, and Will Ferrell. But just Will Ferrell. Well, I used to like Adam Sandler, but not any more.

I wish life was a movie

...that way, I’d be funny, deep and sensitive. My favorite quotes are coincidentally the same as IMDB’s Top 10 from 2008, and I am sure to use them non-stop in conversation. I also try to draw on these movies in daily life, referencing them whenever a situation arises like it did in the movie. If you for some reason you don’t know what the quotes are from, I’ve created a note in my profile where I’ve listed them randomly and my two friends squared off to guess what movies they come from. What’s that you ask? My favorite books? Oh, I don’t read...

My life is so hard and everyone should know

Yeah, my status tells the world I’m confused and have no where to turn, but I don’t actually want to discuss why or how I feel, I just want everyone to feel bad for me. The girl I met last week hasn’t responded to my Facebook message, probably because she looked at my profile first and saw how emo I am and figured she wouldn’t want to deal with my mopey ass. Sure, my issues are private matters that only a few people know or understand, but the whole world needs to know I’m not in the best of moods right now. After you post your clichéd “Feel better” and “OMG, what’s wrong?” I’ll feel better that people care and then will declare my new mood. But it won’t last, and soon “Andrew is :(” will make you question why you bothered with me in the first place. SIGH

I’m from Massachusetts, and Nobody Beats Me!

Interests: Sawx, Patz and KG

Activities: Derek Jeter Sucks, A-Rod Swallows and the Steinbrenners can Blow Me for free since they are soon to be out of money!

About Me: I’m from (insert town in Mass. you’d never heard of until this kid wouldn’t shut up about it) and I’m a die hard Boston fan! If you are a girl, don’t bother getting to know me, because when a Boston sports team is on, I’m in front of the TV and not listening to you blabbing on about how much you want to get down with me. Tommy Touchdown can have my kids, and he might have to, because no self-respecting woman ever will. The Truth isn’t Paul Pierce, it’s that Boston is the capital of the sport’s world, and if you have a logical explanation as to why it isn’t, all I have for you is Fuck Off!

Muscle Milk!

“Giovanni is FUCK YOU! I’M AT THE GYM BECAUSE YOUR (sic) TO (sic) SMALL! GET YOUR WAIT (sic) UP BITCH!” His picture is taken by him, in a mirror, with his Sidekick. His wall is littered with taunts that mimic his status or girls that got $100 Sephora gift cards and had to use it all at once. His personality is akin to Sack Lodge and emphasizes this fact by punctuating each statement on his profile with a profanity and exclamation point.

Romeo and Juliet

This guy has it all. He’s making out with his 15-year old girlfriend in the picture, he has “I Love Sarah” in every appropriate box in his profile, every photo album has her on the cover and they are practically married, except she hasn’t graduated from high school and he can’t afford the ring. His wall post is a constant back and forth with her about who loves the other more. Aww, aren’t we cute?

No, stupid. I’m not one to squash love, I’m quite smitten by a vixen myself, but don’t proclaim to the world that you are pussy-whipped. Firstly, every guy that sees your profile won’t be friends with you, because it's assumed you are pussy-whipped. Secondly, why would we want to give you a bid if all you care about is your girl? What will you add to the Fraternity? And thirdly, you are going to split with her before September is over, but in the process you have alienated every guy on campus, and every girl thinks you are either clingy or an idiot for devoting your profile to someone you just dumped, so in short, you have no friends, and your dick is lonely.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

"Ball" was my first word...

It is a sad fact that the first week of the year is the worst, but after spending two weeks in blissful celebration of Christmas and New Year’s with family and friends, returning to work and the troubles of life on a full-time basis proves challenging each and every January.


The rain that has pelted the region since the calendar turned only further dampened my mood that has been tortured by the holiday hangover. I attempted to escape my melancholy feelings of woe yesterday by plunging into the solitude afforded by my iTouch and the docile, folksy tones of one Mr. Billy Joel as I traveled home via subway. The iPod is yet another device that plays a role in a culture widely devoid of friendliness and kindness to strangers, two qualities whose rapid deaths I often bemoan, as it allows its user to enter their own personnel world, even when surrounded by hundreds of others. I was in no mood to be kind or friendly yesterday, however, and I slipped away from the loud subway car and into a Long Island bar where Billy crooned, before getting tanked and crashing his car into the side of the building.

Like many other college students, I enter periods of “the world hates me” and struggle through my self-loathing to get out of them. They happen for different reasons, whether they be internal image battles, failure to succeed in school or personal goal, or sometimes just overall stress and frustration, but they are always followed with a cynical, pessimistic viewpoint and lack of patience towards those that are forced to deal with me. The more frustrated I become, the worse I behave, causing anger and frustration from others back at me, only worsening by poor disposition.

With my toes wet and cold and still five blocks from my apartment, I began to curse the weather, but stopped. I might not be happy, I might not feel well, but a little rain must fall so that the trees can rise. Upon returning home, I decided to save the self-medication till later, grabbed my gym bag, and walked back out the door. Life is a journey of change, and all but a few of my preferences differ from a mere ten years ago. Then, I didn’t like girls; now, I’m overcome with sadness when we’re apart for just a few days. Then, I prayed for snow and a day of fun; now, I curse it like the seasonal residents of Florida. Then, I loved the logic and problem solving inherent in the study of math; now, I’m lucky if I can count to ten.

But I still have three unwavering loves that will never change: food, television and sports. I wasn’t hungry and laying around and watching TV would have only depressed me further, so that left physical activity. Sports have always been my diversion, whether competing or spectating. They got me into writing after my playing career came to a close. They form a common bond between all men, because competition is in our blood and sports are on our televisions; all men have both blood and TVs, and sometimes little else.

I remember the first time I hoisted a ball bigger than my head, something those that have met me wouldn’t think possible, considering the size of my cranium. I threw the ball over and over again at the cylinder, each time closer to hitting it, then finally getting it over and through. I never saw the ball hit the pavement; I was already in full stride to boast of my accomplishment to my beaming mother. From there, a love of basketball was born, one that has survived till this day. And yesterday, it proved my saving grace.

The gym greats me with a scent that stirs the deepest of my emotions, that pristine smell of wood and lacquer that come together in such a beautiful equilibrium. An immediate calm washes over me, because I know I have entered a safe place; no matter the location or state of the gym, they all have that same glorious odor. The squeaking shoes accompanied by the reverberating pounding of the basketball flood my ears next, all before using my eyes to survey the quality of the product. But it matters little, because the court affords you the freedom to run, to jump, and with a good imagination, to fly through the air towards the goal. The rhythm of the game quickly takes over your brain before feelings of fatigue battle it for superiority, and the frustrations and stressors are soon forgotten. How such a frenetic activity can have such a calming influence on my brain is a true mystery to me, but as I exited into the cold, damp January air last night, all that I could think about was the jab step and jumper that had won the game.