Beer has become an incredibly expensive commodity in State College Town. The newly minted 21-year old I am, I offered to go on the beer run. I collect the money, stop at the first liquor store, pick up two 30 racks of Natty Light and I talked my accomplice (who was fronting most of the money) into a diverging from his Blue Moon to try a six-pack of my favorite wheat beer. Total cost: $43. Pretty steep.
So, as I was leaving, I grabbed a beer for my walk home and headed out. I cross onto one of the main drags in State College Town, pausing to cross the street until a blue Jeep Cherokee waves me across the cross walk. I cross in front of the Jeep, which then makes a left hand turn, slows, and begins to roll its window down.
"Hey, where'd you get that beer?" the college-aged driver asks.
Assuming it was two guys rolling around looking for a party, but wary they were sizing me up, I kept my distance, and politely explained I was simply coming from my friends house and was on my way home to culminate my evening.
"You know, you aren't supposed to be drinking that outside," the driver says as he rolls down his tinted window, exposing the inside of the vehicle. I then discover this is no college student; it's two cops in an unmarked car. Shit.
"Could you stand over to the side, please?" the officer driving sternly asks.
Driver follows me over to the opposite side of the road and asks for ID. I hand it to him.
"Are you a student here?" I produce my student ID. He retreats back to the truck, leaving me with his even younger looking partner.
Now, I have an exemplary legal record, having never been so much as cited for a speeding ticket. So, with that backing me and my driver's education classes screaming through my brain, I play it cool and polite.
"So, where are you headed?" Passenger asks.
"I'm headed home for the evening, Officer," I reply.
"Where is home?" I tell him.
Where were you coming from?" I explain my after-work location.
"Oh, where do you work?" I tell him, only to be asked the minutiae of my day. I explain all with brilliant eloquence and startling clarity. I had only had a couple beers to this point.
"How old are you?" he finally asks, as his partner stumbles in the dark trying to read the impossibly small figures on my license. I tell him I recently celebrated my 21st birthday.
"Oh, you haven't had your ID changed over yet?" It still warns I am under-21, and my home state has horizontal licenses for over-21, whereas mine is still vertical.
He continues to make chitchat while his partner pores over my state issued ID. Driver finally comes back, pulls Passenger aside, and they talk for a few minutes. Driver then comes back.
"You understand, alcohol can only be consumed inside or, if you have to go outside with it, in a paper bag." Whoa, TIME.
"You are actually allowed to drink outside if the container is in a paper bag?" Nice, asshole. The cop is going to let you go and you get smart with him.
"Well, yes, but I wouldn't recommend it." He launches into a lengthy speech about underage drinking and the partying that is sure to commence along with school within the week.
He finishes, hands me back my IDs, and warns me to keep it inside. I thank him, and stretch out my hand to shake his.
"OH, I don't shake hands. I hope you don't take any offense." Hey, you didn't give me a very costly and annoying ticket, we're old friends. Whatever, pal.
"None at all, officer, have a pleasant night," as I turned and fled.
A new year brings new fortune. If this had happened a month before, I could have had a very costly ticket, both in price and reputation, on my hands. But, instead, I got off with a slap on the wrist. I like to think I had something to do with it, remaining calm, making polite chitchat with Passenger, and having a record boasting of years of model behavior. Cops are in authority, and they want to be treated like it. Next time you get pulled over, treat them politely and with respect, or if you can't do that, have your sultry girlfriend take care of it for you. Until next time.
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